Cherish

I've been wanting to blog about this for some time now and can't seem to get it right in words so I usually start and delete it all and leave it for another evening when I feel this deep emotion .... maybe today is the day it will publish :-)

It's so easy to get lost in life. Just going through the motions and one day ends and another begins and before you know it the day is over once again and soon you find yourself 6 years and 8 months into motherhood and you're overwhelmed at the fact that God has more for us all. He intended our son to live - YES - but not with us. I know that will throw some of you off but I really know this is not how it was supposed to be. I know God has a will and a plan dot get me wrong, but I believe that things happen that God didt intend to happen and then other plans are made. When Samuel's birthmother couldn't be an everyday mom to him God found us for him. Completely underserving of a gift; we accepted with open hearts and arms. Feelings of deep guilt that we would benefit from one woman's pain...it would take me years to deal with... shoving it down so that I wouldn't feel it or have to express it to anyone. No one would care, no one would understand. I'm not sure if I've learned to accept it even now... People would make comments that our kids are so lucky to have us... We always respond with "NO, we're the lucky ones"

Birthmom's give their heart, their soul and their future to someone else praying that the life of their child will be better than what they have for them. I struggle with that, thinking taking children out of the their culture and their 'homeland' can't be the best for them. Thinking of a woman that has to walk through the grief of losing their child, her having to make that choice - it is truly unbearable to think. I doubt that any of them have ever wanted to make this decision. To be so quick in saying "Well she made this choice" You know sometimes I don't think they get the luxury of making the decision... the decision is made for them simply by their circumstances.

People say "Oh, I can't believe how someone could give up their own child"... well you haven't lived a day in their shoes and you don't know how allowing someone else to parent their child is the largest act of love ever displayed! They have huge hopes and dreams for their child and hope to give them a better chance at life; praying that they don't have to live the life they had to. It is so selfless and can only be done with God!

We respect the women that have to walk this path and carry this burden - these women have more strength and faith than I have and I cherish them with all my heart.

My kids have a very special place in their hearts and lives for the women that gave birth to them... today at lunch Olivia just randomly said "I miss my tummy mommy" and I was quick to respond "And I know she misses you every day sweetie" That very serious comment got lighter when Samuel said "When my tummy mommy had coffee, I just had a little bit. And her breathe smells like Tony's." (Tony's is a Louisiana Hot Sauce that we all love)

Sweet and serious...
not sure if any of this makes any sense... just sayin'

waiting here for you with lyrics

What does it LOOK like?

I have thought a lot about what Faith looks like lately. What does patience look like? Grace? How about Peace? If I could possess all these attributes, or are they gifts?? It's so easy to say words but it's so much more difficult to live! I have a deep soul desire to have Faith in my God... a Faith that will move mountains but yet those mountains at times are all around and the valleys only deepen. When will the mountains move? Is it because of my lack of faith or is it just not time for them to move; or did I take the wrong path and need to turn around and get out of there? Is is me moving or the mountain?

Yes I have as many questions as my kiddos!! I wish to have the beautiful faith of a child.... they trust so easily and they don't worry. I pray for them to always have the faith they have now - faith that people are good, God is good and life is just good! I do know God is good but wow, life isn't always the same!!

And now reading this I am wondering if I should be deleting this... kinda depressing. Sorry! I guess I just have questions - do you have answers that I need to hear?

What Are You Living For? - Francis Chan

I LOVE this illustration! How true! How encouraging!

Living Today

I've been challenged to live life today. To stop looking ahead, either in excited anticipation or in dreaded fear. I really desire to just be what God wants me to be TODAY. Not to think "I'll work on that and maybe I'll 'arrive' sometime before Jesus comes" or "I'll never be that good or faithful or patient or kind, etc". But to wake up in the morning and know that He has given me right now... to greet my children with the same grace that He greets me with every morning. To start the day in prayer and in His word.
This morning I was sitting on the couch in my regular spot as my girl came out of her room; completely sleepy-eyed and as she finished her first question *which is ALWAYS-Where is Daddy?* she asked "Mommy are you praying?" And that did my heart good because she recognized that is something I like to take time for in the morning before the day begins and I rarely sit back down to spend time with Him. I'm not saying this to 'brag' that I do this in the morning but to remind myself how important it is to show my kids that this is a 'normal' thing and it should happen more than just in the morning...
But having said that, as I told a friend this morning, I have been in a dry land lately with my prayer... I feel as though I don't have words anymore and am relying on the Spirit to pray for me. I need Him to carry me right now. So as Olivia asked me that question I was surprised that she knew something was happening even if I didn't know. God speaks to children and they are so close to Him - it amazes me.
Thank you Jesus for a simple gift today. Let me view your mercy as a Daily Gift.

First Choice

Lately I've been thinking about our family and how beautiful it is. How I cherish it with all I have and how I'm so thankful that WE choose this. I so often think that adoption is viewed as a second choice (or third or last resort). It's not. It wasn't for us and I'm thankful that God made a way for our family to come together the way that it did.

Just had to voice that ... now I'll sleep and have something more inspiring on that topic later...

Just Love Coffee

Hey just a little plug for some 'fundraising' we're trying out. Came upon this website...

so if you like coffee and would like to purchase some please visit the website:

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/TheFriesenFamily

Thanks so much!