Perspective

I've always been one to feel sorry for myself (quietly of course~until now I wouldn't have admitted it but you know this terrible 'honesty' thing I have going on) and today I was doing just that. As a child my dad would often say "Should I bake you a cake?" and I knew what that meant. He was suggesting that I was having a pity party and well every good party needs a cake!! I have been feeling like we're stuck - not sure if we should walk forward, sideways or backward or if we're missing God's leading, His speaking, His direction. My sister said it well when she used the words "Holding Pattern". I would love to know what He has for us but in waiting I need to worship, live and cherish. I'm not doing any of those things. I'm getting frustrated, annoyed and frazzled instead (just looking at that makes me shake my head - why would I choose the last 3 instead of the first 3)... And so in seeking some perspective before I head to bed I read a blog that I love...http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.ca. Enough said. Tonight I will go to bed with thankfulness in my heart and a quiet spirit to hear God speak and tomorrow I will wake with gratitude and worship.

Encouragement

I always knew that encouragement was a good thing... but I think I just said that because I knew it was true but hadn't really felt the strength of it. It started when I ran to drop off my son at gymnastics... some crazy gal accused me of being 'Positive' - in my negative head I was saying "Oh she obviously doesn't know me!" Then I had a wonderful message sent to me in regards to something I've struggled with the last few weeks telling me that she was growing in her faith thanks to my commitment, and so it went... wow. I didn't really know what to do with it. So I dropped it in God's lap and said "Thank You". And riding on that I changed my outlook on my week! It also made me very aware of how I need to constantly be encouraging those around me - and I needed to start at HOME! My kids are getting sarcasm at every turn and "Don't" "No" "Not Again" "Stop"...etc... I need to change that and encourage them in what they are doing well and encourage them to do better in an encouraging way not a nagging way! What a novel idea Jacquie!!! I know I'm so the mother of the year! (oops - sarcasm again) I love my kids so much and love their little personalities and love being with them... I want them to actually know that and feel it! Here's to starting Monday morning with a smile instead of "Okay let's go guys get your stuff... come on let's go.... move a little faster!!!" I'll check in again tomorrow :) Here's my encouragement for you this week... those tender moments that God gives you ... for however brief they may be - CHERISH them! They may only come once. And then run to a journal and write it down so that you won't ever forget!!! My dear sweet Samuel boy has been giving me a few of those lately and I love them and am trying to lock it into my brain!

And I get to spend time with my Gramma and she always delivers on the special memories... here's one of her with my sweet baby!

Ash Wednesday

"Lent offers us all a very special opportunity to grow in our relationship with God and to deepen our commitment to a way of life, rooted in our baptism. In our busy world, Lent provides us with an opportunity to reflect upon our patterns, to pray more deeply, experience sorrow for what we've done and failed to do, and to be generous to those in need." Love this because it was a great starting point for me this morning. Thankful for a Father who is so full of grace and mercy and also continues to pursue me. I am the type of person that loves structure and this whole Lent season is that for me. It develops a habit that helps me to see what is important - a cleanse for the spirit. Love it! I was so encouraged by my Father who showed me His love this morning! Allowing time for God to have my attention - complete attention for 40 days will encourage me to be more mindful of it all year... I don't even care if it becomes 'legalistic' -at least I'm doing it - I know myself enough to know that I can justify slacking very quickly... gotta be careful so that is why I want to be rigid about it because first of all God desires and deserves all of me and if I want to or not I'm giving it all - as much as I know how... So let me encourage you in your Lent season - feel, see, touch, experience God in all forms, Father, Son and Spirit! He wants all of you and in turn you get HIM in and through your life... pretty good trade I would say!

Where has the time gone?

wow I know it sounds cliche but "Where has the TIME gone?" Same place it's gone since the beginning of time I know but yikes! My firstborn is talking about science experiments and book fairs, My dear daughter is talking about having babies 'her way' and my little man is 3 months tomorrow! Time to catch up! That is what I'm planning for tomorrow :) Pictures of the little one while my other two are at school... lots of time to sit and ponder and appreciate where the time has gone and pray that most days I've been faithful to the Father who has given me a purpose for life and amazing children to watch grow up!

A New Year and Opportunities

I LOVE calendars! Love the look of a fresh day-timer... no marking - just dates and lines and space for ink to fill with excitement, anticipation of things to come, plans, expectations of things to happen. I love the promise of good things. God has put a heart of expectation in me and yes that has come with pain as well as things that I have waited for have not become reality. But to carry on after expectations have not happened the way I had planned but to see God in those times and allow Him to put a new song in my heart and fresh anticipation for the next 'thing' on the agenda. Yes I spend a lot of time thinking of what is to come but I'm trying to do the whole "live in the moment' and enjoying today... but it's hard. Right now I'm enjoying every moment with Elijah and not waiting for the stages to pass too quickly. Loving the holding, feeding, changing, holding, loving, wrapping, rocking, holding stage :-) LOVE it! There are so many other things I should be doing but I just don't want to - might mean I'm lazy or unorganized right now but that's okay. He'll be off and running in no time and there will be plenty of time between running after him to do the laundry, wash the floor, organize my closets... or maybe I'll just wait until they're all in college. This is random but had to share it anyway. A while ago I was really struggling with fear, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of the future, fear of death stealing life around me - it was ugly and I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to say that I have VICTORY in Jesus yet but I feel that it's something that is behind me now... but anyway - heard something of worth today in a message I was listening to online. God says FEAR NOT - he doesn't say to not FEEL fear - he says when you fear, don't run off. Remain in Him and He'll take care of what you fear. Not sure if it makes sense to you but it does to me and I love it! So true. We can be so afraid to feel emotions that are negative but I think if we feel them the important thing is to allow Him to walk with you through it. Call to Him and He will answer you (Jeremiah) There will be more photos soon! Sorry (goes with the whole being lazy section of my life) - I'll get to it soon.

Mother of Three!

Yes the last few weeks has proved to be more delightful than my negative mind would have let me dream of. I've been reminded that God is faithful regardless of my circumstances. And the other day I sat on my couch (yes it has seen my backside a lot these last 2 weeks!) and thought of how great the moments are when we can truly sit down, exhale and have that feeling that just for the moment all things are right with the world. Elijah has been an amazing joy to have join our family, yes the nights are a little more interrupted and this old gal isn't getting as much sleep as she should but we have loved every moment with him. He sleeps and watches the kids, waits for a diaper change, sleeps during his bath, sleeps in the car seat on our way to do errands.... life is good with this precious little unexpected bundle of pure sweetness. The kids are loving the time they have with him. At first having people coming by and holding him made them react a little - wanting to have some attention but everyone has been so good with making sure they include Sam and Olivia in the celebration of Elijah's coming. We pray that God will be Elijah's rock and fortress as he grows up. My prayer is that he will have a heart that loves people and will always strive for goodness in his own life and the life of others. Praying his life will impact all that he comes into contact with. Prayers that Sam and Olivia will walk with him in his growth and understanding of a Father's unconditional love and grace. As they support each other in their understanding of adoption and the love of the mother's that carried them. And that brings me into my latest rant... MY KIDS ARE LOVED!!!! It's been a while since we had a baby and I guess I've forgotten the comments that some people just need to make when they see our children. Some of it is very innocent and I'm okay with that... some are just plain ignorance... some is just crazy! I've had a few people look at Elijah and say "Why would someone give something like this away?" And my quick response is "Because she LOVES him!" that simple! The mothers that carried our babies love their kids so much and always will. In a day when pregnancies can be terminated quite simply at pretty much anytime these women took the harder road and allowed (after all they had gone through in 9 months and the pain of saying goodbye to their baby) another family to raise their child. And I've said before that these woman didn't necessarily have a choice. People that see our children and venture to imagine the life of their birth mom without a thought to life.... ya - I'll leave it at that. And please even if you think it don't ever say "So his mom just didn't want him?!" Please don't ever say that to my child! If you could see the pain in her eyes as she looked at her son the last time you would not dare say that!! If you could hear my 5 year old pray for her birth mom - that she wouldn't be sad because she missed her baby so much... My children have a long legacy of love already! They are loved by the God who created them, a mother who carried them and now us, an undeserving family of four that is excited to be five!!! Glad our life will never be the same again!!