Cherish

I've been wanting to blog about this for some time now and can't seem to get it right in words so I usually start and delete it all and leave it for another evening when I feel this deep emotion .... maybe today is the day it will publish :-)

It's so easy to get lost in life. Just going through the motions and one day ends and another begins and before you know it the day is over once again and soon you find yourself 6 years and 8 months into motherhood and you're overwhelmed at the fact that God has more for us all. He intended our son to live - YES - but not with us. I know that will throw some of you off but I really know this is not how it was supposed to be. I know God has a will and a plan dot get me wrong, but I believe that things happen that God didt intend to happen and then other plans are made. When Samuel's birthmother couldn't be an everyday mom to him God found us for him. Completely underserving of a gift; we accepted with open hearts and arms. Feelings of deep guilt that we would benefit from one woman's pain...it would take me years to deal with... shoving it down so that I wouldn't feel it or have to express it to anyone. No one would care, no one would understand. I'm not sure if I've learned to accept it even now... People would make comments that our kids are so lucky to have us... We always respond with "NO, we're the lucky ones"

Birthmom's give their heart, their soul and their future to someone else praying that the life of their child will be better than what they have for them. I struggle with that, thinking taking children out of the their culture and their 'homeland' can't be the best for them. Thinking of a woman that has to walk through the grief of losing their child, her having to make that choice - it is truly unbearable to think. I doubt that any of them have ever wanted to make this decision. To be so quick in saying "Well she made this choice" You know sometimes I don't think they get the luxury of making the decision... the decision is made for them simply by their circumstances.

People say "Oh, I can't believe how someone could give up their own child"... well you haven't lived a day in their shoes and you don't know how allowing someone else to parent their child is the largest act of love ever displayed! They have huge hopes and dreams for their child and hope to give them a better chance at life; praying that they don't have to live the life they had to. It is so selfless and can only be done with God!

We respect the women that have to walk this path and carry this burden - these women have more strength and faith than I have and I cherish them with all my heart.

My kids have a very special place in their hearts and lives for the women that gave birth to them... today at lunch Olivia just randomly said "I miss my tummy mommy" and I was quick to respond "And I know she misses you every day sweetie" That very serious comment got lighter when Samuel said "When my tummy mommy had coffee, I just had a little bit. And her breathe smells like Tony's." (Tony's is a Louisiana Hot Sauce that we all love)

Sweet and serious...
not sure if any of this makes any sense... just sayin'