Hard Things

We walked through a difficult conversation yesterday, one that I know we will have to revisit many times as the kids grow up and become adults. We had the misfortune of being at an extended family reunion... with hundreds of people we have never seen and certainly never thought we were related to. The kids both wanted to go play outside and I'm usually a person that likes to know where her ducklings are and what they're doing, but i thought it was okay if they headed off for a while because we were not going to be there too long. Samuel found some friends from school right away which was great. I'm so thankful he wasn't alone when he heard some hard things from a complete stranger.
After an hour or so we went home and I was getting the kids to bath and bed... Samuel started to tell me some of the things that were being said to him. He said (in all his innocence) "Mommy, some boy said I lived in Africa and I told him I lived in La Crete; but he just laughed at me and said that I lived in Africa." I told him sometimes people might think that because they don't know a lot about anything... and I continued washing him.
"But mom he said that there are only white people in La Crete and people like me live in Africa." I got a little more frustrated at the complete ignorance that some people raise their kids in and I told him that he will have to learn to ignore people that say things like this. "But mom he took my shoes and threw them over the fence so that I couldn't get them... I don't know why he did that." And then the mother bear in me came out and I had to leave the bathroom and vent in my room. I just seriously can't understand how people don't know that God has created an amazing variety of people that on the outside look so different and yet on the inside have the same needs... to feel loved, accepted and appreciated. I came back into the bathroom and I told Samuel that he needed to be proud of who he was and how he 'looked', and I also told him that it's important to note that Jesus was not WHITE (or even peach - my kids think we're peach not white).
As I was getting Olivia in her pi's she said that a boy had told her that she didn't even know who her mom was. She thought that was really strange... "Like, that is so weird that he said that mommy because I know you!"
I know that these are things we have to walk through because of the community we live in but also because of the world we live in. Where judgement happens instantly without compassion or too much thought. I know the road won't be easy but I will continue on in His grace knowing that He has beautiful things for my children!
And I seriously cannot wait until we get to those Pearly Gates and all those people that think that only white people will get in... Can't wait.

Good Things

I must say Good Things were on the forefront of my mind today. So many good things when we look around and for someone that is as 'naturally' negative as me... that is completely God's Grace!
Good Things I found today:
Beauty in the lifting fog to reveal the most beautiful of days at the foot of the hills~picture perfect
Having God's peace descend on me to help me continue on without worry
Finding one can of mosquito spray when they're attacking in 'herds' (not sure if they travel in herds but it sure felt like it after the rain)
My child's smile and a charging "Mooooommmmmmeeeee" after a long day of work
A friend's constant support
Beef on a bun!!
The soft and warm glow of the sun and a puffy white cloud when it gets too hot
A perfectly timed breeze coming in from the window while I post this...

God continues to amaze me~ I wonder why does He continue to give me good things? Is He really 'for me'? Does He really care that much to give little 'ol me Good Things? Can I honour and glorify Him in ALL things? My life is so not good at times and yet He wants the Good , The Bad and the Ugly (the last two is something He gets a lot of from me)...

I'm so thankful that I have a God that I can go to in the yucky times and also in the times when I see His grace and His perfect mercy. Thank you Jesus!!

Heavenly minded

I remember years back someone telling me "Don't be so Heavenly minded that you're no earthly good." This week listening to a clip on the radio I heard something different. He mentioned that to be any earthly good you need to be Heavenly minded. I think I agree with that statement more than the first.

Sounds strange but I have recently been SO looking forward to Heaven - now don't get all out of sorts - I'm not depressed or suicidal... just really ready for all that God has promised us. I'm ready for no stress, no worries, no tears, no frustration, some seriously awesome conversations with my God, a few people that I am really missing and hoping they didn't change a bit, wishing for God's beauty - ALL of it! (Of course I would prefer to all go at the same time... I would love if all the Rapture predictions would be right already... let's get this started!)

I guess I'm Heavenly minded right now ... and looking at my house you would think I was no earthly good... :-) Maybe tomorrow I'll be earthly minded and start cleaning up this 'lived in home'... maybe not :-)

Cherish

I've been wanting to blog about this for some time now and can't seem to get it right in words so I usually start and delete it all and leave it for another evening when I feel this deep emotion .... maybe today is the day it will publish :-)

It's so easy to get lost in life. Just going through the motions and one day ends and another begins and before you know it the day is over once again and soon you find yourself 6 years and 8 months into motherhood and you're overwhelmed at the fact that God has more for us all. He intended our son to live - YES - but not with us. I know that will throw some of you off but I really know this is not how it was supposed to be. I know God has a will and a plan dot get me wrong, but I believe that things happen that God didt intend to happen and then other plans are made. When Samuel's birthmother couldn't be an everyday mom to him God found us for him. Completely underserving of a gift; we accepted with open hearts and arms. Feelings of deep guilt that we would benefit from one woman's pain...it would take me years to deal with... shoving it down so that I wouldn't feel it or have to express it to anyone. No one would care, no one would understand. I'm not sure if I've learned to accept it even now... People would make comments that our kids are so lucky to have us... We always respond with "NO, we're the lucky ones"

Birthmom's give their heart, their soul and their future to someone else praying that the life of their child will be better than what they have for them. I struggle with that, thinking taking children out of the their culture and their 'homeland' can't be the best for them. Thinking of a woman that has to walk through the grief of losing their child, her having to make that choice - it is truly unbearable to think. I doubt that any of them have ever wanted to make this decision. To be so quick in saying "Well she made this choice" You know sometimes I don't think they get the luxury of making the decision... the decision is made for them simply by their circumstances.

People say "Oh, I can't believe how someone could give up their own child"... well you haven't lived a day in their shoes and you don't know how allowing someone else to parent their child is the largest act of love ever displayed! They have huge hopes and dreams for their child and hope to give them a better chance at life; praying that they don't have to live the life they had to. It is so selfless and can only be done with God!

We respect the women that have to walk this path and carry this burden - these women have more strength and faith than I have and I cherish them with all my heart.

My kids have a very special place in their hearts and lives for the women that gave birth to them... today at lunch Olivia just randomly said "I miss my tummy mommy" and I was quick to respond "And I know she misses you every day sweetie" That very serious comment got lighter when Samuel said "When my tummy mommy had coffee, I just had a little bit. And her breathe smells like Tony's." (Tony's is a Louisiana Hot Sauce that we all love)

Sweet and serious...
not sure if any of this makes any sense... just sayin'

waiting here for you with lyrics

What does it LOOK like?

I have thought a lot about what Faith looks like lately. What does patience look like? Grace? How about Peace? If I could possess all these attributes, or are they gifts?? It's so easy to say words but it's so much more difficult to live! I have a deep soul desire to have Faith in my God... a Faith that will move mountains but yet those mountains at times are all around and the valleys only deepen. When will the mountains move? Is it because of my lack of faith or is it just not time for them to move; or did I take the wrong path and need to turn around and get out of there? Is is me moving or the mountain?

Yes I have as many questions as my kiddos!! I wish to have the beautiful faith of a child.... they trust so easily and they don't worry. I pray for them to always have the faith they have now - faith that people are good, God is good and life is just good! I do know God is good but wow, life isn't always the same!!

And now reading this I am wondering if I should be deleting this... kinda depressing. Sorry! I guess I just have questions - do you have answers that I need to hear?

What Are You Living For? - Francis Chan

I LOVE this illustration! How true! How encouraging!

Living Today

I've been challenged to live life today. To stop looking ahead, either in excited anticipation or in dreaded fear. I really desire to just be what God wants me to be TODAY. Not to think "I'll work on that and maybe I'll 'arrive' sometime before Jesus comes" or "I'll never be that good or faithful or patient or kind, etc". But to wake up in the morning and know that He has given me right now... to greet my children with the same grace that He greets me with every morning. To start the day in prayer and in His word.
This morning I was sitting on the couch in my regular spot as my girl came out of her room; completely sleepy-eyed and as she finished her first question *which is ALWAYS-Where is Daddy?* she asked "Mommy are you praying?" And that did my heart good because she recognized that is something I like to take time for in the morning before the day begins and I rarely sit back down to spend time with Him. I'm not saying this to 'brag' that I do this in the morning but to remind myself how important it is to show my kids that this is a 'normal' thing and it should happen more than just in the morning...
But having said that, as I told a friend this morning, I have been in a dry land lately with my prayer... I feel as though I don't have words anymore and am relying on the Spirit to pray for me. I need Him to carry me right now. So as Olivia asked me that question I was surprised that she knew something was happening even if I didn't know. God speaks to children and they are so close to Him - it amazes me.
Thank you Jesus for a simple gift today. Let me view your mercy as a Daily Gift.