Seriously?

Ok so my latest rant on what God's will is... I am so tired of people looking at circumstances and situations in life and then saying "Well that was God's plan..." NO IT WAS NOT!!!!! God does not will for hurt, pain, devastation, death, frustration.... His Will was for Adam and Eve to live in Eden. Well we know how that worked out don't we? I know God can redeem any situation in life but I do not believe that it was in his will that a young mother should die to leave her children when they are 7 and 5 to a grandma that has to work to make ends meet, I don't believe that God's will if for any mother to have to say goodbye to her child, or that any child should suffer at the hands of another in despicable ways, so many things that people just 'pray away' as God's will and we should just accept it and keep on living!! Sorry but it really drives me crazy. We are living in a fallen world and yes God is God and that's awesome but not everything that happens to us in our lives is because they were supposed to happen!! None of this was supposed to happen - we should be running around in Eden right now. Just sayin'

Still trying to figure it out

Yup, still not sure what "Fear God" looks like so this is the latest 'revelation' I received in Sunday School yesterday. I think we find it easier to revere or respect God because it makes us feel good. We feel like we've done 'good' when we have been respectful. To FEAR God would be very uncomfortable - it's not a good feeling to be terrified. We live life for us - face it - it's truth! God has created us for Himself and yet we live this life as if it is ours. It's a complete changing of the mind to switch that around. My circumstances... no it should be about Him, my stuff... no I shouldn't have it unless it can bring glory to Him, my kids... nope again - I need to raise them to know their God but how can I if I don't know? We have become so graceful and loving and comforting... we need to come to the Fear of God so that we can know Him more. Psalms says the fear of God is the beginning of all wisdom.. we don't receive wisdom until we get to have that experience with God where we see Him and truly Fear him! I want wisdom! I want to have that experience with God!! But do I want it for ME or for HIM? My thoughts for this week...

Fear God

We talked about this in our Sunday School class today... only briefly but I've been thinking about it a lot today. Wondering if I really even know what Fear God means. I have come to the place where my relationship with God is so casual. It's disappointing to me that I don't have Fear of God and yet I fear so many other things, like change, air travel, death, disappointment, deep water, etc. And yet God is the one that holds me and carries me through every one of those 'earthly' things I fear. To tremble before God in fear is something I need to come to. To understand just a very small part of how Holy he is would cause me to shake in my boots. Not just reverence but real fear. I'll have to be thinking about this a bit more. And if you want to watch a bit of what we're doing in Sunday School you can see it on YouTube - Francis Chan Basic Series.

Light as a Feather

Warning: This is a very random post. I needed something mindless to do because I'm almost at the place where I'll say I'm Freaking Out but I don't want to cross over to that so here goes... My kids and I LOVE Horton Hears a Who - Favorite movie and we could watch it forever. Sam often in the middle of playing something quietly says "Light as a feather; light as a feather" - the part where Horton is on the hanging bridge ... and I thought of it today when my head was getting full of what I needed to get done and facing the reality that it might not get done. I start holding my breath and am trying to become "light as a feather' as I walk across a bridge that is breaking underneath my feet... I really do miss my kids when they're not here and I'm thankful when my mind is filled with random memories. School is almost over for the first week and this mama needs her kids to love on for the weekend. Can't wait! Leave it all behind and enjoy the weekend and face the week when it gets here... why rush is. Can't change anything by worrying or thinking about it so hooray... let the weekend begin - I hear the school bus now. :-)

God in the face of my children

I don't think a day goes by when I don't experience God through my kids. Now don't get me wrong... not everyday is a beautiful, dreamy journey but I do see Him either in what they do, say or like today just in 'being'. One of my favourite things is watching Samuel play outside. He enters another world and just enjoys life. I love it!! He was on the swing today and pumping up as high as he could, as he got closer to the tree branches behind him his smile got bigger and his eyes had this beautiful sparkle. It was so sweet. Then he noticed me watching and this changed everything... he became more aware of it and the sparkle in his eyes was replaced with wanting to be noticed and accepted. I thought of how that happens in our lives... we enjoy life until we remember someone is watching us and then we do things for others so that they will approve and accept what we do. Or we fear doing something wrong or being judged. We become self aware and it takes away joy. But then I flipped this whole thought (yes I was doing dishes and it was a great time of thought provoking analysis) I thought of how we should be aware of only God watching... of pleasing Him, enjoying Him. Being in communion with our amazing Father would change our 'idle' time as well as the time when we're busy 'doing'. So this week I'm challenging myself with living like I KNOW that God is watching. I like that truth when I'm doing good 'stuff' but when I'm struggling I pretend He is more distant and only comes when invited... So anyway - not sure if that is encouraging or what but I would accept your accountability in it as well :-) And then on a really funny note... I'm not sure how many mothers have ever experienced this but it's a good one!!! My child went to church without undies on today!! Can you imagine??? I clearly remember giving her the underwear to change into (because the other pair said "Summer Fun" and you could read it through her dress). Well she must have slipped off her fun ones and forgotten to put on the new pair. She had to run out to the bathroom at church and you can imagine my horror when I helped her with her dress to get on the toilet... so we ran back home to get the underwear on and returned to church. CRAZY!! So ya, mothers, just another thing to check before church, nose, ears, teeth, hair, zippers, socks and underwear!

Letting God

So now the nerves begin to bother me... just went to check to see the class lists for my babies... am I prepared to let go again this September? Of both of my little gems? It's amazing how when you think of them being away how angelic they seem and all you can think of is how you'll miss them (even though 3 hours ago I was thinking "ahhh I need a mommy break!") Allowing someone else the chance to spend 7 hours a day with what is MINE. Are they MINE? Is this how God feels about giving these little creatures to us... did He have feelings of apprehension that we might 'mess up' and have them become something different than what He planned? Did He give them to us in joy knowing that we would stumble, fall and keep trying through our many mistakes in child rearing; wanting us to come to Him with every decision, question or concern? Would He rather have kept them safe and sound at Home and raised them right? The thought of having disappointed my Father over and over again is something I struggle with. I will trust that God will once again give us all His amazing Spirit and He will walk us through another long school year... there will be great days and not so great days but the fact that He is always present-that's the peace that this mommy needs right now. As I watch my son play with lego on the floor at my feet creating and changing and using his wonderful imagination give me great pride; hearing my daughter playing with her petshop animals on the other side of the house (yes you an usually hear her before you see her) using the imagination that God has given her makes me smile. They'll be okay. God is their keeper - and I'm glad He is because if I was the "Keeper of the Treasure" I would do a horrible job. I'll step back and allow God to continue to hold them in His very capable hands. Here's to letting go and letting God!